Safe and Sound
by I'm a bitch in disguise
Summary: But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance? Multiple pairings. Contains slash and slight shoujo-ai. Meaning lots of gay and lesbian activities!
1. Chapter 1: Not Cut Out

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hunger Games, but who does o.O?**_

_**Plot Bunny: Rue ^_~**_

_**Clove**_

__It's not the thrill or the release that draws me back to do it again. It's the fact that I know I can and get away with it. No one will care if they saw them, so why is it so hard for me to show them. _Because I know once they realize what I've done they'll take me away and lock me up in a home. Because really who wants to deal with that, with me…and my problem?_ The answer lies within my subconscious, but am I really that brave to open it up, to be exposed to the toxins within the air of the judging? No? Yes? I can't decide whether I can, but I know that I am weak, weak and afraid. And the only way for me to rationally deal with the pain is to make my body distorted beyond recognition.

To hold a sharpened blade against the inside of my thigh and feel the pressure against the sensitized flesh is not pleasurable. It is not a stress reliever, nor an escape from the reality that taunts me into submission. It is painful and hurts me worse, to know that I am so weak that I have to graffiti my body because I can't handle life. Because I can't handle the constant noise that surrounds me, consumes me, and engulfs me whole.

So when my hand hesitates above the exposed skin, I wince as I realize the inevitable pain that will course through my veins. And as I become lost in my thoughts I know that is the only way that can keep the pain at bay, to say to myself it will be the last time. Last time I expose myself to this torture. Because its torture, as the blade presses deep into my skin to where my incisor pierces my bottom lip turning the pale color an atrocious crimson. But the pain that spreads throughout my thigh as I trail the blade upwards it is all my mind can register.

That is what I gain from that, as the pain consumes my mind the noise of the world is momentarily non-existent, it leaves me alone within those few crucial moments. And the only noise that I allow to seep in through the cracks of my broken façade, are the shallow breaths that escape through my clenched teeth as I desperately try to mask my pained sounds.

And then it stops, I stop; I stop the torture that closes in on the open wound trying urgently to escape my tired body. Escape my damned soul.

…


	2. Chapter 2: Look At Me Now

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Plot Bunny: Glimmer ∞**_

_**Disclaimer: I DO **__**not **__**own The Hunger Games Series**_

_**Marvel**_

__To sit alone at an empty table where the people around you can openly stare at you as if you were a freak show, I can't take that. It's lunch and the Library's closed for student interviews so I can't take refuge there away from the surrounding locusts. The teacher's won't allow me to wait till the bell rings for the next class, and I seriously consider staying in front of the school to wait, but it's the beginning of winter. I know I can't wait there, though I may not like the heat and favor the cold I realize the shivers threatening to rack along my spinal cord. So I begin my walk to the cafeteria, a separate building a small but distant walk from the main school building.

It isn't long but I can't help but notice people glance at me as they walk past, and I shift my eyes downward away from their gaze, beginning to walk on the parking lot pavement away from them. But I know it only makes them wonder more about my case, and sometimes I wonder that too, but that doesn't stop me from disliking the sudden attention. Attention I would rather have directed at someone who actually wants it.

I finally reach the cafeteria doors, my head only momentarily looking up to pull open the doors, even though through the glass I can see the massive crowd of students. A wave of resounding voices hits my ears as their voices become louder, and I feel their gazes on me. I can't find it in me to move an inch, but I realize all too late the people behind me wanting to find their friends and eat, and I'm roughly pushed aside.

I flinch openly as I'm knocked to the side, and I mumble something short of a small apology as I feel people watching the interaction. I lower my head to look at the ground, the tiles smudged with dirt and the first snow of this year, and I quickly try to avoid any other contact as I make my way to an empty table. I manage to safely sit down without having to interact or come into contact with anyone else as I sigh in relief at managing such a simple task. It is then I start to cast my eyes every which way, anxious to see if there is anyone watching me sit there. And as I look to my right for what must be the third time in less than thirty seconds, I catch a pair of soft brown eyes staring at me.

I'm forced to hold the gaze, but I feel the immediate action of my hands start to twitch anxiously as my heart begins to steadily beat faster than what is assumed to be average. I try desperately to stop myself from becoming loss of breath as I take in deep slow breaths, but it isn't working and I have to do something.

And then there is a moment the other takes to blink, and as soon as they close their eyes I snap my head to stare hard at the wooden surface of the lunch table. My heart beating erratically in my chest as I recall the analytic way the eyes peered at me. And then the thought of the other filled me as I felt the impending pressure to look over and see if they were still watching. My head moved ever so slowly across the table's surface, before I heard a soft voice from behind me. I didn't look up but I could tell it was from the table directly behind mine, and before I could hear any more of what they were conversing about I felt the ground moving beneath my feet. My feet sliding across the floor with low dragging sounds, and I felt my back tense as I focused my hearing on just that.

The low sliding of my shoes against somewhat wet tile began to fill my head like a silent mantra, steadily growing ever louder. Heads turned, eyes bore, and the whispers ensued, but it was nothing compared to sliding of my soles against tile. The more I walked the louder they became, and I noticed whenever I slowed my pace slightly the sound would become more and more distinct.

And before I knew it I was falling, falling into the endless sound of the low dragging.

…


	3. Chapter 3: Hurricane

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Plot Bunny: Cato **___

_**Disclaimer: I DO **__**not **__**own The Hunger Games Series**_

_**Finnick**_

I push forward but the currents strong and I'm pushed back down in the water. My lungs start to ache softly as they begin to yearn for the oxygen just above the water's raging surface, just beyond my reach.

The water washing over my tired body, by now I'm used to the chilling cold and it somewhat feels warm. I kick my feet calmly as I see no reason to panic, and it would only grant me in sinking lower. So I push myself upward, narrowly missing the incoming wave.

I stretch my arms long to where they breach the surface, the wind's trajectory from the vortex like wave cause icy tendrils to nip painfully at my skin. Out of habit I grit my teeth causing cold ocean water to push its way through my lips and fill my mouth. I close my throat and I try more desperately to reach the surface, as the water wraps its' chill fingers around my teeth. I quickly press my tongue against the teeth to supress the urge to shiver and gag.

My head clears the water, and I waste no time in releasing the contents from my mouth, as I feel some water slyly make its way down my throat. The wind's crashing against my ears as I cough roughly and I hear the rumbling of a distant wave. I look out to my right and there, a giant wave hurled dangerously at my form. But before I could sink back into the water, the wave crashed down on my body sending me back below the surface. My body twisted violently as I tried to escape the pain that coursed along my right arm, I kept my eyes firmly closed in attempt to ease the pain, but there was no escaping it.

The water's around me threatened to pull me to the ocean's floor if I didn't try to swim back to the shore. But as I felt my weight being pulled downward I couldn't fight to stay and hope to see the surface tomorrow. I couldn't hope for that when, I didn't want that.

I didn't want to feel the warm rays of the sun shine down on my body; I wanted to feel the cold grip of death rip through my tired form. I wanted to feel something besides the familiar loneliness that coursed through my veins like adrenaline.

But to wish for death, when there are others that beg to live, seemed immoral to me. But was it really that wrong for me to feel such an emotion?

I'm liked by a majority, and have an expansive group of friends. When one is away another takes their place, it's disgusting. To feel admiration, or pity towards me, I abhor it truly. I don't want to know that if there was any doubt in my status of popularity that the group of friends I thought I had would leave me.

I'm afraid to be alone, but I wish for it oh so dearly. Why? Because my reasons vary.

I wish for the peace and quiet when I'm surrounded by the friends that may just end up leaving me one day. But when I'm alone, I can't stand the ever present quiet that fills the air with a tangible hatred.

So I ask myself, Can I stay here on this land any longer?

I'm answered when I open my eyes to gaze openly at the blue washing over me as the sky becomes ever more distant. And the edges of my vision blur to a faded black, as I ignore the burning yearn for oxygen.

But as I see my conclusion comes to a close, and my eyes shut softly with the image I hope to see last, I feel myself being pulled by my left wrist.

But I was just too tired to care.

…


	4. Chapter 4: Just give me areason

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hunger Games, but who does o.O?**_

_**Plot Bunny: Primrose :0**_

_**First off hello and thanks to whomever fav'ed this story but fanfiction kind of messed up my pairings sooo…this is not clove x Peeta o glimmer x Finnick. This is slash meaning boyxboy, and also slight shoujo-ai (girls love). So if you don' like unfav I don' really mind. Anyway my Christmas break is his week so this is the last time I am going to be able to post anything until somewhere along January 7/ sorry ): Anyway on with the story. Oh, and p.s. usually my chapters aren't all that short but I figure shorter chapters faster I get them posted. Heheh**_

_**Glimmer**_

If I could leave, would I? Or would I continue to wonder this world as I am, or was? Some people welcome death, and others are welcomed by sorrow. How is it that I became welcomed by pain? An endless torture that would rack my body in unbelievable ache. I have tried and I have failed, I have lived yet I am dead inside. My life…our life is full of contradictions that I have no say to change.

You say that life begins when you are born. And I, I would say that was not true. I would say life begins when you finally take hold of your life and you know.

You know that each and every decision you make will not only effect you but the ones around you as well. You take your life into your own hands when you have no need to believe in anyone but yourself.

We are human beings. We like, we hate, we judge, and we are judged. We smile and we cry. And it is not crying that makes us weak. You are weak when you cannot decide between what it is you want and what you need.

I know this but I still can't tell the difference. I crave attention, I want it and yet I believe I need it. And I can't tell you why. I know I am weak, but I choose not to care.


	5. Chapter 5: Teenage Dream

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hunger Games, but who does o.O?**_

_**Plot Bunny: Avox girl Mmmn (hello)**_

_**?**_

___When I'm scared…I hide. When I'm alone…I'm afraid. But if I were with you…I'd love. I'd love you and make you feel no pain nor sorrow. If I was with you you'd forget about the stares of the other people and only focus on me. But when you hide away from everyone's eyes, even mine…I wince. But this isn't enough for me to leave you alone like I have felt for years. And though you don't know, you may not even comprehend that I have been drawn to you for years. I won't say forever because I know that will never be, or have been. But when we are in this world that has been drained of its color to a dull grey I will find a way to make you smile. And to tell you the truth you have no risk. I'm non-existent in your world, but you're the only thing consistent in mine. So please Marvel would you consider being my Valentine._

_ Meet me at the marble pillar east of the football field at 4:30pm. And you can decide. But even if you say no I won't give up trying to love you or like you._

_**Guess who this is…**_


	6. Chapter 6: Unpretty

_**Hello my name is 'I'm a bitch in disguise' and I bring you a Hunger Games story! **_

_**Summary: **__**Depressed, Attention Seeker, Underdog, Top of the world, Alone, Killer-Shot, Confused, Clueless? High school may not be what you dream it to be like, but maybe it's not bad when you have another to share your secrets with. But to be afraid and never try…would you risk that chance?**_

_**Pairing(s): Finnick x Peeta, Cato x Marvel, Gale x OC, & Glimmer x Clove ^_^**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hunger Games, but who does o.O?**_

_**Plot Bunny: Effie Trinket (and may the odds be ever in your favor):**_

_**Marvel**_

___When I'm scared…I hide. When I'm alone…I'm afraid. But if I were with you…I'd love. I'd love you and make you feel no pain nor sorrow. If I was with you you'd forget about the stares of the other people and only focus on me. But when you hide away from everyone's eyes, even mine…I wince. But this isn't enough for me to leave you alone like I have felt for years. And though you don't know, you may not even comprehend that I have been drawn to you for years. I won't say forever because I know that will never be, or have been. But when we are in this world that has been drained of its color to a dull grey I will find a way to make you smile. And to tell you the truth you have no risk. I'm non-existent in your world, but you're the only thing consistent in mine. So please Marvel would you consider being my Valentine._

_ Meet me at the marble pillar east of the football field at 4:30pm. And you can decide. But even if you say no I won't give up trying to love you or like you._

I stared warily at the note, taking in each and every letter. Each sentence running in my mind as a jumbled mess. I had been reading and re-reading the note for the past hour and still I couldn't find the underlying meaning of it. I mean I knew there didn't need to be an encoded script, but it would fit easier in my mind if there were. I don't mean to but I question most things, and if I don't I go into an internal panic of what the outcomes could be like. I don't believe there had been a time where I didn't doubt anything.

As children we naturally question things to gain knowledge and understanding. But I'm almost seventeen and I'm still completely indecisive. But I do it not only to gain knowledge or understanding, but to have a blanket of security. I want to feel safe and protected not alone and afraid.

'_But this isn't enough for me to leave you alone like I have felt for years.'_

The written statement completely filled my mind chasing off any other thoughts. The note had somewhat promised that I would be secure and loved, without the fear of loneliness. I want to; I would really like to believe that someone had actually taken an interest in me and wanted to be my shield. But the mere fact that someone HAD taken an interest in me was nothing less than amazing.

I know that isn't such a great thing to say about yourself, but I can't help but bring myself down. I figure if I can make myself feel bad then it wouldn't hurt as much when other's say it. But what people don't understand is that, what I don't understand is that it hurts a lot worse when you tell it to yourself.

People can say degrading things about you all they want but the truth of the matter is, you care more about what you think of yourself than what other's think of you. You don't just start off thinking you're homely, or too skinny, or too plump. People make you dictate the opinion you have over yourself, and you start to believe it wholly.

And it's not the fact that now you can't help but believe it that hurts so much. It's the fact that you have so little respect, pride, and dignity to actually stop and take a look at who you really are.

You can be skinny and beautiful; you can be round and sexy. You can be hideous and still be loved. It doesn't matter how other people see you because all you have to do is show them that you know what you are, and what you're not. You can know what you're good points are, and know what your flaws are.

But it takes someone that has real pride in their selves to turn their flaws into useful aspects.

I know and understand this, but I let my fear of being unsafe rule my life.

xXx

I watched as time ticked by slowly, my mind counting the seconds as they pass on to minutes. It was 4:03pm on the overhead clock, and my nerves raced along the contours of my mind. My brain was yelling at me to move, get up and go. But my heart, my heart willed me to stay sitting in my bed watching as the minutes passed slowly.

I looked out my window, the curtains billowing outward from the wind. I could just glimpse the scoreboard of the football field down the block. Sometimes I hated living so close to the school building, and sometimes it was a blessing. This was not one of those times.

It felt as if the school was approaching on me and I had yet to run away, but the scare just kept building up until it would soon become too weighty to handle.

And now as I glanced back at the clock, the numbers 4:09pm staring back at me in black script, I knew that I would inevitably go back to the school.

And sure enough I began slipping languidly from the bed and making my way to my window. I looked past the cars and through the central park trees, blankly gazing at the mediocre football field.

Inhaling deeply I closed my bedroom window and headed for the front door, my backpack firmly gripping my shoulders.

My aunt was at work and wouldn't be back for another good three hours. I walked out onto the porch and slipped on the first step, I didn't fall but it was enough to scare me half to death. My heart hammering inside my chest as I walked to the street's corner.

I didn't know why but I suddenly had the immense urge to run. And that's exactly what I did, I ran out into the street as soon as the walk sign flashed green. I ran through the park, sidestepping benches and dodging trees. I paid absolutely no mind to the people that were most likely staring at me, watching me.

One note that may or may not be false already had my blood pulsing and my mind in a whirlwind. Oh, how I wish that then I knew what I was getting myself in to.

I stopped a little ways from the wood outlining the skirt of the football field. My chest rising and falling with each intake of breath. I rested my hands on a nearby tree and let myself pant, by now as I checked my watch it was 4:29pm. I headed over to the trees, hiding behind the one closest to the pillar east of the football field.

At first I didn't see a single person, but as I adjusted myself to another tree, I saw the outline of a tall brute. He had deep brown hair and pale tan complexion.

He gave out a hearty laugh and leaned against the concession stand wall, exposing himself to me. I saw that he had maybe blue eyes then again they could have been green. I couldn't tell the sun was casting him in a fading brilliant orange glow.

He wore nice a form fitting brown long sleeved shirt, with slightly ripped and dirtied blue jeans. He had a square jaw and a somewhat 'don't fuck with me' type aura when he wasn't smiling too. But all in all he wasn't hard on the eye.

No I'm not really all that shocked that it was a guy, because it seemed there were a lot of 'out' couples. And I was an in the closet gay, so I wasn't appalled either.

But now my curiosity was sated and it was time to go home. And of course that would have been easy if he guy didn't just happen to look over into the woods and spot me. His smile leaving his face as we made eye contact.

And before I knew it I was rushing off ignoring the figure that had peered around the pillar to see what had gotten his friend upset. Ignoring and not noticing the shocked expression he had when he saw my retreating figure.

_**Does anyone know who is crushin' on Marvel know?**_


End file.
